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Disclaimer: The term "wedding party" is my preferred terminology for what was formerly known as the "bridal party." I use “wedding party” as it encompasses all genders and all forms of marriage—same-sex, non-binary, trans, heterosexual, and beyond. If you’ve been using the term “bridal party” I encourage you to adapt your wording in support of marriage equality.
Often, couples who are getting married aren’t so keen on having their wedding pep squad standing by their sides for the duration of the ceremony. There can be many reasons for this. Maybe you’ve got a large(ish) wedding crew, and the space won’t fit everyone, or you feel like it will be a bit overbearing. You might have some people in your wedding party who absolutely quiver at the idea of being in the spotlight. Or perhaps you’ve been in those shoes yourself and didn’t enjoy the experience.
If you’re trying to find ways around having your wedding party standing by your sides during your ceremony, here are three simple ways to honor your lifetime VIPs and skip this formality:
This option is for couples who still want a photo of their wedding party standing in formation for the memories but don’t want them to stand there any longer than necessary.
First, we commence the ceremony as usual—music, processionals, walking the aisle, and taking places. I’ll word up your photographer that we’re going to need a photo of the wedding party in its entirety once people have taken their seats. The wedding party will also be informed of this.
As the music subsides, I’ll turn to the crowd and invite those who can be seated to please take their seats. We’ll wait another 30 seconds (if that) for the photographer to give a nod that the photo has been taken. Then, I’ll gesture to the wedding party to go to their assigned seats or join the crowd to enjoy the ceremony as any other guest would.
Phoebe & Riley's wedding party made a beautiful entrance and took their places, then found seats in the VIP row to enjoy the ceremony. Photo by Liz Barnes Photo.
Some couples want their wedding party acknowledged for being exceptional people in their lives, often involving introducing them by name (at the very least) but more commonly adding context, such as how the couple knows them and dropping in a claim to fame. The claim to fame might be as simple as being a wine connoisseur or certified chocoholic, or perhaps there’s a juicy backstory worth mentioning.
This is called a wedding party intro, and you can read more about those here.
In this case, we’ll go through the lineup one by one, call for applause for the A-team by your sides, and then invite them to enjoy the ceremony with everyone else.
Perhaps choosing those VIPs was tricky, and it was an all-or-nothing option—one person or an entourage of eight. In that case, don’t feel pressured to have an official wedding party. You can happily have a generous “I do crew” who you choose to spend the day with—getting ready and even taking wedding party photos with them all—but come the ceremony, they don’t have to be standing by your sides to know how special they are to you. If you’re keen on this option but still want them to be part of the ceremony in some way, I have a few ways to include friends and family in the ceremony that aren’t obvious or traditional roles. Just ask!
In Summary
A modern wedding doesn’t require you to have a wedding party at all, or even to have those people formally by your sides during the ceremony. With everything about your wedding ceremony, think about what makes sense for you as a couple and what will be meaningful to you and those closest to you.
FYI, my favorite ceremonies tend to be the ones without a wedding party standing at the altar or ceremony space. They always stand out for being less formal and more relaxed. By dropping the pretense, it seems that everyone has more fun - yourselves, your guests and your VIPs included.
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